NO PLAYS EXCHANGED 



-TOE ETHIOPIAM PIAM^- 

*A UTILE NONSENSE NOW AND THEN IS RELISHED BY 
THEWI5E5T MEN" 








DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Partial List off Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free. 
Price 15c each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is Given 



DRAMAS, COMEDIES, 
ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc. 

M. F. 

Aaron Boggs, Freshman, 3 

acts, 2H hrs (25c) 8 8 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1^ 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 4 4 

American Hustler, 4 acts, 2Y2 

hrs ,(25c) 7 4 

Arabian Nights, -3 acts, 2 hrs. 4 5 
As a Woman Thinketh, 3 acts, 

IVz hrs (25c) 9 7 

At the End of the Rainbow, 3 

acts, 214 hrs (25c) 6 14 

Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 8 4 

Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 9 3 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2^4 

hrs (25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Burns Rebellion, 1 hr (25c) 8 5 

Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs. 

(25c) : 7 4 

College Town, 3 acts, 2^4 

hrs (25c) 9 8 

Corner Drug Store, 1 hr. 

(25c) 17 14 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs.. 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert, 4 

acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2 '4 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

Dream That Came True, 3 

acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 6 13 

Editor-in-Lhief, 1 hr (25c) 10 

Enchanted Wood, 1^ h.(35c).Optnl. 
Everyyouth, 3 acts, 1 J^ hrs. 

(25c) 7 6 

Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

• hrs (25c) 4 4 

Fascinators, 40 min .(25c) 13 

fun on the Podunk Limited, 

•, : 11/^ hrs (25c) 9 14 

• •Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 12 

Honor of a Cowbov, 4 acts, ly^ 

hrs '. (25c) 13 4 

Indian Days, 1 hr (50c) S* 2 

In Plum Vallev, 4 acts, 2 '4 

hrs ' (25c) 6 4 

Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs. . (25c) 5 4 
Jayville Junction, Xy^ hrs. (25c) 14 17 
Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 214 hrs (25c) 6 12 

Lexington, 4 acts, 2^4 h. . (25c) 9 4 



■ M. F. 

Light Brigade, 40 min (25c) 10 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr. (25c)13 
Lonelyville Social Club, 3 acts, 

iVi hrs (25c) 10 

Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 5 2 

Man from Nevada, 4 acts, 214 

hrs (25c) 9 5 

Mirandy's Minstrels (25c) Optnl. 

New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr.... 3 6 
Old Maid's Club, 1>^ hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old Oaken Bucket, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25'^"> 8 6 

Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

134 hrs (25c) 12 9 

On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

ly^ hrs (25c) 10 1 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 
Prairie Rose, 4 acts, ly^ hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Rustic Romeo, 2 acts, 2Y\ 

hrs (25c) 10 12 

School Ma'am, 4 acts, l->4 hrs. 6 5 
Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.. 6 6 
Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 2^^ h. 8 3 
Southern Cinderella, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 

Third Degree, 40 min (25c) 12 

Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Tony, The Convict, 5 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Topp's Twins, 4 acts, 2 h.(25c) 6 4 
Town Marshal, 4 acts, 2% 

hrs (25c) 6 3 

Trip to Storyland, 114 hrs. (25c) 17 23 
Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 214 hrs. (25c) 8 3 
Under Blue Skies, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 7 10 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
When the Circus Came to 

Town. 3 acts. 214 hrs. (25c) 5 3 
Women Who Did, 1 hr...(25c) 17 
Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES, COMEDIETAS. Etc. 

April Fools. 30 min 3 

Assessor, The. 10 min 3 2 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Bad Job. 30 min 3 2 

Betsy Baker, 45 min 2 2 

Billj^'s Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap. 20 min....... 2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trotible, 20 min.... 3 5 

Box and Cox,. 35 min 2 1 

Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 
Convention of Papas, 25 min., 7 

Country Justice, 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m, 3 2 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers,154 W. Randolph St. , Chicago 



MEMPHIS MOSE, WAR 
CORRESPONDENT 

A MINSTREL AFTERPIECE 



BY 

HARRY L. NEWTON 

AUTHOR OF 

'A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy," "The Booster Club of Black- 

ville," "A Colored Honeymoon," "The Coontown Thirteen Clnb," 

"The Darktozi'u Fire Brigade," "The Goodfellow," "Good 

Mornin', Judge" "The Heiress of Hoetown," "Jayville 

Junction," "Laughland, zia the Ha Ha Route," 

"Minstrel Cross-Fire," "Oh, Doctor!" "A 

Rehearsal at Ten," "What Happened 

to Hannah" Etc. 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



^Ac^f 



Memphis Mose, War Correspondent 



CHARACTERS. 

Memphis Mose Nearly a War Correspondent 

Philbert Nutt His Companion 

General Chile Con-Carne.^ Mexican Soldier of Fortune 

Private Eggshell Half of the Army 

Private Paprika The Other Half 

BiGFOOT Sue A Red Cross Nurse 



S CE N E — A Milita ry En ca nipm en t. 



Time — War Time. 



Place — Yuma Pass, Mex 



ICO. 



Time of Playing — About Tzventy-five Minutes. 
THP96-006879 

COPYRIGHT, 1915. BY EBEN H. NORRIS. 

©CI.D 41348 

2 

JUL 29 1915 



MEMPHIS MOSE, WAR CORRESPONDENT. 



COSTUMES. 

Memphis Mose — Ordinary suit, leather leggings and 
long linen duster covering all. 

Philbert Nutt — Dilapidated clothing and blue cap. 
Very droll in speech and slow in action. 

General Chile Con-Carne — Misfit, many colored, di- 
lapidated uniform, with large hat ornamented with a large/ 
plume. Wears large mustache, which he strokes in pom- 
pous, fierce manner. 

Private Eggshell — Blue coat, brass buttons, white 
pants and old cap. Carries an old musket. 

Private Paprika — Old blue suit, short trousers and 
straw hat. Carries a battered old sword. 

BiGFOOT Sue — Typical darky wench part; calico dress, 
white apron and sleeves and nurse's white cap. On one 
sleeve is a red cross. 

Note. — While only six characters are required, more may 
be added at option of producer. Your local military com- 
pany may act as ''the army" and the dialogue may be so 
aranged that a drill be introduced without detriment to plot 
or action. 



PROPERTIES. 

Rifles for Eggshell and Paprika ; bowl of bread and milk, 
large spoon and two napkins for Sue ; chicken bone for 
Mose; stretcher for Nutt. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of stage; C, center; R. C, right center* 
L., left; 1 E., first entrance; IJ . E., upper entrance; R. 3 E., 
right entrance, up stage, etc.; R. D., right door; L. Z)./left 
door, etc. ; D. F., door in flat or back of the stage ; up stage, 
away from footlights ; down stage, near footlights ; I G., first 
groove, etc. The actor is supposed to be facing the audience. 



Memphis Mose, War Correspondent 



Scene: An exterior to represent a moiintain pass, with 
mountain or landscape drop in 3 G. and zvood zvings. A 
small white canvas tent at C, zvitJi flaps drazvn over open- 
ing. On center pole , peak is a small Mexican flag. {Omit 
if difficidt to procure.) At L. of tent are tzvo nail kegs 
marked: "Pozvder." A small table and a camp chair in 
front of tent. 

At rise, Private Eggshell, Mose and Nutt are discov- 
ered. Eggshell is doing sentry duty, pacing to and fro 
from R. to L. back of tent. Nutt and Mose are seated 
on nail kegs in despondent attitudes. Mose has one leg 
heavily bandaged and Nutt zvears a bandage on left arm. 
Curtain inusic, some well knozvn Spanish air. 

Nutt. Well, why don't yo' say somethin'? 

Mose. Dere ain't a word to be sayed. {Rubs bandaged 
leg.) 

Nutt. Yo' said a-plenty fo we got to dis lieah place in 
Mexico. Yo' done talked yo' head off back in Memphis. 
(Mose nods head despondently.) Didn't yo' say: 'Thil- 
bert, a barber shop ain't no place fo' yo'. Yo' should be a 
adventuress." Didn't yo' say dat to me? (Mose nods as 
before.) Didn't yo' also said to me: "Philbert, shinin' 
shoes ain't yo' vacation in life. Yo' should co-harmonize 
wid de higher equivalents. Yo' should be a soldier, o' for- 
tune." Didn't yo' said dat to me? (Mose again nods 
head.) Den yo' said: ''Philbert, cast aside dem ignoble 
brushes and come wid me. Dere is war in Mexico." Didn't 
yo' say dem words to me? 

MosE. Ah did, and heah we is. 

Nutt. Yes, heah we is ; prisoners ob war. {Rubs a 
Jiand over bandage, painfully contorted face.) 

MosE. Well, dere ain't nothin' dishonorable in bein' a 
prisoner ob war. 

4 



MEMPHIS MOSE, WAR CORRESPONDENT. 5 

NuTT. Maybe not. But if Ah. was fixin' fo' to be a 
prisoner, Ah could a got in jail back in Memphis. 

MosE. Ah, but, Philbert, dere am a lot ob difference. 

NuTT. Yes, Ah could a-had mah reg'lar eats back in 
dat Memphis jail. 

MosE. Oh, yo' always think ob eatin'. 

NuTT. And dat's'all Ah do, is jes' think ob it lately. 
Say, man, mah stomach could be arrested fo' what it thinks 
ob me. 

MosE. Shucks, man, dis am merely a condition ob de 
fortunes ob war. 

NuTT. Yes, but yo' didn't say dis was gwine to happen 
when yo' slung dat flowery talk back in Memphis. No, 
sah. Yo' say: *'Philbert, dem Mexicans couldn't hit de 
water if dey fell out ob a boat." Didn't yo' say dat? 

MosE. Well? 

NuTT. Well, dey had nuther water or a boat, but dey 
sure did hit us. {Hand to bandage.) 

MosE. Dat was 'cause we tried to run. 

NuTT. Tried to run? Man, Ah did run! Ah got three 
years exercise in jes' one second. But de faster Ah run, 
de faster dat bullet run. {Looks cautioitsly about at Egg- 
shell, zvho has been pacing back and forth.) Dat nigger 
gets on my nerves. 

MosE. Nigger? Man, he ain't no nigger. He's a 
Mexican. 

NuTT. Shucks! If he's a Mexican, Ah'm a dime's worth 
of Hungarian goolash. Whatta yo' reckon dere fixin' to do 
wid us? 

MosE. Oh, soon's dey find out Ah'm a war correspond- 
ent, dey'll release us. 

NuTT {disgustedly). War correspondent! Yo' couldn't 
write home and git a thin dime. {Gun is fired off L. Nutt 
and MosE exhibit comedy fright. Eggshell wheels, faces 
to L. in a challenging attitude.) 

Eggshell {calling off L.). Halt! Who comes thar? 

Paprika {off L.). Friend! 

Eggshell. Advance, friend, and give de countersign. 



6 MEMPHIS MOSE, WAR CORRESPONDENT. 

NuTT (to Mose). Didn't Ah. tell yo'? Dat's jes' plain 
nigger talk, dat's all. 

Enter Paprika from L., zvlmpers to Eggshell. 

Eggshell {to Paprika). Yo' gotta know de counter- 
sign. Ah. got mah orders. Dem orders is dat if yo' don't 
say "Fried Chicken," Ah runs mah bayonet through yo'. 

Paprika. ''Fried Chicken." 

Eggshell. All right. Now who yo' all shoot at jes' 
now? 

Paprika. Twasn't nobody. But Ah thought Ah seen 
dem two niggers tryin' ter make a getaway. {Comedy 
fright by the two.) 

Eggshell. Say, dere ain't a chance in de world. 

Paprika. No, dem low-down plain niggers am out- 
classed 'longside ob us Mexicans. 

Eggshell. Ah wonder what de general am gwine do 
wid 'em. 

Paprika. Oh, jes' naturally shoot dem at sunrise, dat's 
all. 

Mose {to Nutt, in nervous fright). Yo' heah dat? 
Gwine ter shoot us at sunrise. 

NuTT. Not me. Ah don't get up dat early. 

The tent flaps are suddenly flung apart and enter there- 
from General Con-Carne. He strikes a fierce but comedy 
pose and strokes mustache for an instant. Then he glozvers 
at the prisoners and they attempt to hide behind each 
other. 

General {sharply). Attention! (Eggshell and Pap- 
rika bring their guns to an azvkzvard salute, zvheel and 
march stiffly to the General, and zvJien zvithin a couple 
of paces of him, trip and almost fall.) Fall in! 

Eggshell. Yes, sah, we jes' did, General. 

NuTT {advancing tozvard the General, smiling). Oh, 
Ah knows yo'. Yo' was fo'merly a barber back in Mem- 
phis. 

General {fiercely, to Nutt). Silence! {To Paprika.) 
Anythin' to repo't? 



MEMPHIS MOSE, WAR CORRESPONDENT. 7 

Paprika. Yes, sah. Ah. jes' killed ninety-eight ene- 
meeses. 

General. Aha ! Ninety-eight ob de enemy died by yo' 
hand ? 

Paprika. Yes, sah ; one hand. 

General. Den yo' kin knock off work fo de day. Yo' 
done enough. (Paprika salutes in comedy fashion.) Pri- 
vate Eggshell, what yo' all done fo' yo' country? 

Eggshell. Ah run 'cross seventy-eight enemeeses and 
cut off dere feet. 

General. Cut off dere feet? And why didn't yo' cut 
dere heads off? (Comedy fright by prisoners.) 

Eggshell. Oh, somebody else done dat 'fore Ah got 
dere. 

General {violently clears throat, fiercely strokes mus- 
tache and glowers at the prisoners). Bring de prisoners to 
headquarters. (Eggshell and Paprika go behind Nutt 
and Mose and prod them with their bayonets, forcing them 
to the General.) 

Nutt (protestingly to General). Whatta dey mean by 
stickin' us wid dem bay-nets ? 

General. It means dot yo' am wanted at headquarters. 

Nutt. Headquarters ! Dat ain't whar dey stuck us wid 
dem bay-nets. 

General. Silence! (Sits at table.) Yo' am gwine now 
ter git court-martialed. 

Nutt. If dat's somethin' good ter eat. Ah. been ready 
fo' two days now. 

General. Silence! (To Mose.) What's yo' name? 

Mose. Memphis Mose, sah. 

General. Whar yo' from? 

Nutt. Yo' know whar he's from. Yo' is from de same 
place — Memphis. 

General (fiercely). Silence! (Each time the General 
yells ''silence'' at Nutt the latter jerks his head sharply 
in affright and his cap falls to floor.) 

Nutt (as he stoops, picks up hat and replaces it on head). 
Doggone dat nigger, anyhow! 

General (to Nutt). What's yo' name? 



8 MEMPHIS MOSE, WAR CORRESPONDENT. 

NuTT. You know doggone well what mah name is. 

General. Whar was yo' born, and if so, why? 

NuTT. Ah don't know. 

General. Whatta yo' mean yo' don't know? Didn't yo' 
ever have no mother? 

NuTT. Ah don't know. 

General. Who was with yo' when yo' was born? 

NuTT. My aunt. 

General. On what day was yo' born? 

NuTT. Thursday. 

General {fiercely and fingering mustache). Aha! Now 
Ah got yo'. Yo' don't know nothin' 'bout a mother, but 
yo' do know what day yo' was born on. How comes it 
dat yo' know what day yo' was born on? 

NuTT. 'Cause de next day we had fish. 

General (rising to feet zvith an angry stamp and twirl- 
ing mustache). Silence! (To Paprika and Eggshell.) 
Take de prisoners away. Take dem to de deepest and 
darkest dungeon. (They place themselres on either side of 
the prisoners.) 

NuTT (to General). Say, what's a dungeon? 

General (rising to feet, stamps a foot angrily and 
strokes mustache). Silence! (To Paprika and Eggshell.) 
Take de prisoners to de dungeon. (They place themselves 
on either side of the prisoners.) 

NuTT (to General). Say, what's a dungeon? Do dat 
happen to be Mexican fo' dinin' room? 

General. Nothin' like it. Dere ain't gwine to be no 
eatin'. 

NuTT. No eatin'? (General shakes head.) Den shoot 
me now. (General raises his hand as a command for 
the prisoners to he taken azvay. The prisoners are betzueen 
the tzvo soldiers, single file. The four anarch in a brisk, 
military fashion once about the stage, the General places 
himself at their head and they are about to exeunt R. 
zvhen — ) 

£wf^r BiGFOOT Sue. She starts in astonishment, raises 
her hands zvith a commanding gesture and the five halt. 



MEMPHIS MOSE, WAR CORRESPONDENT. 9 

Sue. Halt! Doggone yo', halt! 

MosE (in glad surprise). Sue! (He opens his anus and 
Sue rushes and throzvs Jierself forcibly against hint, knock- 
ing him to floor and she falling on top. The others show 
astonishment. The fallen ones scramble to their feet.) 

General. What am de meanin' ob dis? 

Sue (to General). Back up, yo' unemployed load ob 
coal ; back up ! Dis am mah sweetheart from Memphis^ 
Tennessee. 

MosE (kisses Sue). Yo' sweet little bunch o' peaches 
and cream, yo'. 

NuTT (aside). Dat man always am talkin' 'bout some- 
thin' to eat, jes' ter make me jealous. 

General (to Sue). Stand aside! Dose men am prison- 
ers ob war. 

Sue (angrily to General). Don't yo' tell me to stand 
aside or any place else. Yo' get 'long and take yo' doggone 
army wid yo', or Ah'll fetch yo' a swat dat'll make yo' 
think de provocation ob eternity am arroven. (Threatens 
him with fist.) 

General (to the two privates). Attention! Fall in! Fo'- 
ward march! (Marches with ''army' off R.) 

Mose (throzving his arms about Sue). Saved! Saved! 

NuTT (tugging at his coatsleeve). Ask her fo' somethin' 
ter eat, man, den we'll all be saved. 

Sue (releasing herself and looking at Nutt in seeming 
surprise). Whose yo' friend, Mose, deah? 

Mose. Ah don't know. Ah nevah saw him befo' in all 
my life. (Comedy business by Nutt.) 

Sue (to Mose). Den pay no further 'tention to him. 
We will be happy, jes' yo' and me together. 

Mose (to Nutt). Yes, little boy, run 'long and sell yo' 
papers. (Nutt, too astonished for speech, staggers to one 
of the kegs and drops weakly on it, staring at them with 
w'ide open mouth and eyes.) 

Sue. Mah darHn'. Yo' mus' be dreadful hungry. 
(Business by Nutt.) Yo' jes' wait heah a second. Ah 
got some nice things already cooked; lovely eatin' things. 
(Kisses him.) Jes' a minute and Ah'll be right back. 



10 MEMPHIS MOSE, WAR CORRESPONDENT. 

{Waddles in comedy manner to R., turns and blows a kiss 
at him, then exits. He blows several kisses in return and 
stands looking off R. after her.) 

NuTT {unable to longer restrain himself). Look heah, 
yo' possum-eyed, disappointed imitation ob a bottle ob ink — 

MosE {turning and surveying Nutt coldly). Was -yo' 
'dressin' yo' conversation to me, sah? 

. Nutt {astounded). Yo' — yo' mean yo' don't disorgan- 
ize me? 

MosE. Yo' face am slightly fa-military, but Ah don't 
seem to place yo'. (Nutt drops zveakly back on keg.) 

Enter Sue R. She carries a large bozvl filled zvith bread 
and milk, a large spoon and two napkins. 

Sue {to Mose). Heah yo' is, honey-lamb. Come heah 
and inaugerate yo' system wid some ob dis ambigious 
chicken soup. (Mose smiles broadly and goes to Sue at C. 
Nutt hurriedly rises and also rushes to her. Sue takes the 
tzvo napkins and tucks one under each one's chin, then 
takes spoon, dips it in bozvl and stirs vigorously. Nutt 
smacks lips in keen anticipation. Sue dips a spoonfid, 
Mose opens mouth zvide and she feeds it to him. Then she 
takes another spoonful, starts to feed Nutt but takes it 
herself.) 

Mose {in keen relish). Mali goodness, sweetheart, but 
dat sure am beautiful chicken soup. Do it again. (Sue 
gives him another spoonful, then repeats business of almost 
feeding Nutt and eating the spoonfid herself.) 

Sue. What became ob dat other feller dat was heah 
a while back? 

Mose. Him? Oh, he's gone. 

Nutt {opens eyes and tugs at his coat sleeve). No, no; 
heah Ah is — heah Ah is. (Mose ignores him.) 

Sue {feeding Mose another spoonful). Ah didn't care 
so much fo' de looks ob him. He had a funny look. 

Nutt {attempting fo attract her attention). No, not 
funny; jes' hungry, lady; jes' a hungry look, lady; dat's 
all. {They ignore him.) 

Sue {to Mose, puckers up lips and thrusts out her face 



MEMPHIS MOSE, WAR CORRESPONDENT. 11 

in ludicrous manner). Honey-bud, kiss yo' little angel- 
face. (They kiss zvith comedy business. Nutt zvorks up 
scene.) Now den, one mo' po'tion ob chicken soup. (Feeds 
MosE.) 

Nutt (aside, disgustedly) . Dinner time fo' some folks, 
but jes' 12 o'clock fo' me. 

Sue (takes napkin from Mose's neck and carefully zvipes 
his lips zvith it, then does the same to Nutt). Come, sweet 
breath ob evenin' breeze ; come wid me to de canteen, whar 
Ah will fill yo' soul and inner man wid pangs ob real 
delight. 

Mose (placing an arm about her zvaist). Ah shall cer- 
tainly be glad to do dat, mah beautiful bunch of pansy 
blossoms. Fo' Ah sure am hungry. (They kiss.) 

Nutt (aside, disgustedly). Dere ain't no chicken soup 
'bout dat Dat am jes' plain "mush," dat's all; jes' plain 
"mush." 

Mose (to Sue). Let us go to de place whar all is eats 
and stomachs know no sorrow. 

Sue. Yes, honey-bunch, we shall go. (They stroll to 
R., his arm about her zvaist, and stop at exit R.) Too bad 
yo' friend am went. 

Mose. Yes, it am too bad. Ah know he would enjoy 
hisself innumerably. He used ter hke to eat. (They 
exeunt.) 

Nutt (looking after them, disgustedly). Well, kin 'o' 
beat dat? Ah used ter like to eat. Dat ain't no lie. Ah did 
^lsed to, but Ah usen't to no mo'. (Starts for exit R.) 
Heah's whar Ah used to eat agin. 

General, Eggshell and Paprika cojne marching in 
from R. and halt Nutt as he is about to exit. 

General. Halt ! 

Nutt. Doggone it, dere's dat "halt" man agin. 
General. Whar yo' gwine? 

Nutt. Ah don't know, but Ah know whar Ah wish yo' 
was gwine. 

General. And whar am dat? 



12 MEMPHIS MOSE. WAR CORRESPONDENT. 

NuTT. It's a long way from heah, and yo' wouldn't go 
if Ah told yo' to go. 

General. Silence! (Nutt's cap falls off as Jiis head 
jerks sharply back.) Ah don't take no orders from yo'. 
Yo' takes orders from me. {Indicates the kegs.) Yo' see 
dem two powder kegs? (Nutt eyes kegs apprehensively.) 
Well, dem is got to go some place. 

Nutt. Well, let 'em go. Ah ain't stoppin' em. 

General. Dey is got to go, and it am too dangerous 
fo' mah soldiers to tote 'em, so Ah deploys yo' to tote 'em. 

Nutt {comedy fright). Huh? 

General. Dey am mighty dangerous, so yo' mus' be 
careful. 

Nutt. Will dey — will dey — blewie? 

General. Not if yo 'am careful. 

Nutt. Say, yo' bettah git yo' a regular careful boy. 
Ah'm too careless. 

General. Oh, it won't make any difference if yo' am 
blown up; will it? 

Nutt. No, not to anybody else but me ; dat's all. 

General {sharply). Fo'ward march! (Eggshell and 
Paprika force Nutt to kegs.) Now pick 'em up. (Nutt 
hesitates and they prod him zvith their bayonets.) 

Nutt. Ah kin see Ah got a fat chance. If Ah don't 
pick 'em up. Ah gets mah tires punctured. 

General. Yes. 

Nutt. Yes, and if Ah does pick 'em up. Ah gits — 
blewie ! 

General. Pick 'em up! Fo'ward, march! 

Nutt. Jes' a minute. General. Befo' de blewie comes, 
couldn't Ah be spared somethin' to eat? 

General. No, sah. Fo'ward, march! {They prod 
Nutt with bayonets, he picks up the kegs zvith comedy 
fright, they form in line, General leading, Nutt follozving 
him and the tzuo soldiers bring up the rear. Exeunt L.) 

Enter Sue and Mose from R. He is chezving on a chicken 
bone zjuith keen relish. 

Mose. Dat suttinly was some lunch. 



MEMPHIS MOSE, WAR CORRESPONDENT. 13 

Sue. Lunch? Man alive, if yo' calls dat a lunch, Ah 
wonder what yo'd call a meal? 

MosE {looking searchingly about). Ah wonder whar 
mah friend went? (Loud explosion off L. Astounded, 
they run and look off L.) 

Sue. What was dat yo' was remarkin' 'bout jes' fo' 
dat explosion? 

MosE. Ah said Ah wonder whar mah friend went? 

Sue {shading eyes zvith one hand and then peering off). 
Ah don't persactly know, but he'll be down in a minute and 
den yo' kin ask him. 

MosE {looking off and tip). By golly. Ah nevah saw 
him git sich a move on hisself befo' in all mah life. He 
sure is in a hurry. 

Sue. Now he's comin' down agin. 

MosE. Yes, Ah reckon he didn't like it up dar. {The 
tramp of feet is heard off L., gradually drawing nearer.) 

Sue. Dey am bringin' him heah on a stretcher. 

MosE. Poor old Nutt ! Ah'm sorry Ah was rude to him. 
He had his faults, but he wasn't sich a bad feller after all. 

Sue. No, he was only hungry. 

MosE. Well, he's cured ob dat now all right. 

Sue. He sure is. He's cured ob everythin'. 

Enter General, Eggshell and Paprika, the latter two 
bearing a stretcher on zvhich lies Nutt. They march 
solemnly to C. and place stretcher on floor, then all form 
a half circle about Nutt, the men removing their caps. 

General. We done our bestest to stop him after de 
powder went off, but he jes' naturally insisted on goin'. 

MosE. Poor old Nutt! He do look natural, don't he? 

Sue. Ah'm sorry now Ah didn't gib him somethin' ter 
eat befo' he up and died. (Nutt slightly raises his head 
and blinks eyes at Sue.) 

MosE. Yo' sure he am dead? 

Paprika. If he ain't he done git a powerful shock ter 
his system. 

Eggshell. And it done look like it spread to de rest 
ob his body. 



14 MEMPHIS MOSE, WAR CORRESPONDENT. 

General (sighs). Ah'm 'fraid now he am but a rem- 
nant ob a man. 

Sue (excitedly). What's dat yo' say? What's dat? 

General. Ah say, he am but a mere remnant ob a man. 

Sue (drops on knees beside the stretcher). Man, deah, 
does yo' heah dat? Speak! 

NuTT (raises head and looks inquiringly at her). What's 
it? What's it, lady? 

Sue. Dat man say yo' am a mere remnant. If yo' am a 
remnant. Ah loves yo' and only yo'. 

Mose (to Sue). Heah, yo'. What yo' mean lovin' dat 
man? 

Sue (picks Nutt up from stretcher, arm about him). 
Go way, Mistah Memphis Mose. Mention not mah name in 
endearin' terms agin. Ah loves yo' no mo'. 

Mose (astounded). What's — what's de meaning ob dis. 
Why fo' yo' transfer yo' love to dat man? 

Sue. Why? Because he's a remnant. And whar am 
de woman livin' dat kin resist a remnant? (Sue throws 
her arms about Nutt, the others form half circle about 
them, exhibiting intense astonishment, to — ) 

Curtain. 



Denison's Vaudeville Sketches 

"A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any markets 
Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid 

BREAKFAST FOOD FOR TWO.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry 
L. Newton; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Scene: Simple 
interior. Seldom Sells, a drunxmer for bottled spring water and 
condensed milk, and Carrie Samples, a breakfast food demonstra- 
tor, meet in a small freight office during a snow blockade. Once 
they were friends, but strangers now; however, while appeasing 
their hunger with their samples a reconciliation is affected. This 
sketch is a decided novelty and one of the most choice morsels of 
humor ever served. 

THE CABMAN AND THE LADY.— Vaudeville sketch, adapted by 
William D. Emerson; 2 males, 1 female. Time, 30 minutes. Played 
a number of seasons with great success by "Emerson, Caffray and 
Emerson." It is a scream. 

A COLD F rN IS H.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 
males, 1 female. Time, 15 minutes. Scene: An interior. A 
cheeky life insurance agent forces himself into the home of a 
wealthy lady. Her attempt to get rid of him is side splitting. It 
has an unexpected finish which is always a great hit in vaude- 
ville. Really a two-part sketch, as the iceman has only a few 
lines. 

THE COUNTERFEIT BILLS.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. 
Newton; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. A long lost sailor 
returns and in explaining his absence to his wife, finds he has 
steered into rough weather. As a peace-offering he gives her a 
large "roll of bills" and she admits having a second husband 
named Bill; however both prove counterfeit. There is a dash of 
wit and a foam of humor in the Old Salt's tale of adventures 
that cannot fail to delight. 

DOINGS OF A DUDE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 
2 males, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Scene: Simple interior. 
Maizy von Billion, of athletic tendencies, is expecting a boxing 
instructor and has procured Bloody Mike, a prize fighter, to "try 
him out." Percy Montmorency, her sister's ping pong teacher, is 
mistaken for the boxing instructor and has a "trying out" that 
is a surprise. A whirlwind of fun and action. 

FRESH TIMOTHY HAY.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. New- 
ton; 2 males, 1 female. Time. 20 minutes. Scene: Simple rural 
exterior. By terms of a will. Rose Lark must marry Reed Bird or 
forfeit a legacy. Rose and Reed have never met and when he 
arrives Timothy Hay, a fresh farm hand, mistakes him for Pink 
Eye Pete, a notorious thief. Ludicrous fines and rapid action. 
Chance for songs and specialties if desired. 

"We presented 'Fresh Timothy Hay' with great success. — 
Frank S. Wildt, Lancaster, Pa. 

GLICKMAN, THE GLAZIER.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. 
Newton and A. S. Hoffman; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 25 minutes. 
Scene: Simple interior. Charlotte Russe, an actress, is scored 
by a dramatic paper. With "blood in her eye" she seeks the 
critic at the office, finds no one in and smashes a window. Jacob 
Glickman, a Hebrew glazier, rushes in and is mistaken for the 
critic. Fun, jokes, gags and action follow with lightning rapidity. 
A great Jew part. 

"Under the team name of Herbert and Elliott we are making a 
big hit with 'Glickman, the Glazier.' • Your 'stuff' is the best ever. 
— C. W. Herbert. Spokane, Wash. 
T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



Denison's Vaudeville Sketches 

"A laugh is worth a hundred groa^is in a7iy market. ^^ 
Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid 

THE GODDESS OF LOVE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. 
Newton; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 15 minutes. Scene: Simple ex- 
terior. Aphrodite, a Greek Goddess, is a statue in the park. Ac- 
cording to tradition, a gold ring placed upon her finger will bring 
her to life. Knott Jones, a tramp, who had slept in the park 
all night, brings her to life. A rare combination of the beautiful 
and the best of comedy. Novel, easy to produce and a great hit. 

HER HERO. — Vaudeville sketch, by George Totten Smith; 1 male, 
1 female. Time, 20 minutes. To test her lover's courage, a young 
lady pretends she hears a burglar in an adjoining room and in- 
sists that he shall investigate. He meets with a surprise which 
is far from what the jesting maiden had anticipated. Rich com- 
edy and rapid action. 

"Used 'Her Hero' with great success for six successive weeks." 
— Herman Nelms, Nashville, Tenn. 

A HOME RUN.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry W. Osborne; 
1 male, 1 female. Time, 15 minutes. A bit of baseball non- 
sense introduced into a novel situation. "Inshoots" of wit, 
"out-curves" of mirth and "drop-balls" of hilarity are put over 
the "plate" in rapid succession. 

HOT AIR.— Vaudeville sketch, by George Totten Smith: 2 
males, 1 female. Time, 25 minutes. Briggs and his chum after 
a night out. Brigg's wife after an explanation. She finds their 
lovely "fairy tale" simply "hot air" and they find themselves in 
"hot water." Their ingenuity in extricating themselves from 
the humid situation is most amusing. 

IS IT RAINING?— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 10 minutes. Otto 
Swimorebeer, a German, Susan Fairweather, a friend of his. This 
act runs riot with fun, gags, absurdities and comical lines. 

"I have had expensive sketches, but your's beat them all." — 
Gust Muech, Milwaukee, Wis. 

A MISTAKEN M I SS.— Vaudeville sketch, by George Totten 
Smith; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. The maiden expects 
to meet a very sedate young man, which part he impersonates, 
although he is quite the opposite. He also makes up as an Irish- 
man. However, the mistake was not amiss for the mistaken 
miss, as he proves to be her willing ideal. Strong plot, plenty 
of "laughs" with opportunity for good acting. 

MR. AND MRS. FIDO. — Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 
1 male, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Mrs. Fido's husband and 
her dog Bruno are sick. Johnson, a dog doctor, who is just over 
from Sweden, is mistaken for Mr. Fido's physician, and com- 
plications arise that create more disturbance than a mustard plas- 
ter on a small boy. A great Swede part. 

"We are now playing 'Mr. and Mrs. Fido' to crowded houses. 
Big hit."— The Elliotts, Clay Center, Kan. 

ONE SWEETHEART FOR TWO.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry 
L. Newton; 2 females. Time, 20 minutes. It is not recorded in 
the book of Time when one sweetheart was sufficient for two 
ambitious maidens. The dialogue and action in this sketch are as 
magnetic as the breeze from an electric fan. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St.. Chicago 



DENiSON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is Given 



^ M. F. 

Documentary Evidence, 25 min, 1 1 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min.. 12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min.... 4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 

Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min... 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent ^o 

min 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr.... 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min.. 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Familj-, 40 min 3 3 

Only Cold Tea. 20 min 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min. .... 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.. 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min.-. 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 

Smith, the Aviator, 40 min ... 2 3 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. 4 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min.... 3 3 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min. . 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake. 20 min.. 3 2 

Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero. 20 min 1 1 

Which Will He Marry :> 20 min. 2 8 

Who Is Who ' 40 min 3 2 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby. 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES. MON- 
OLOGUES, ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

M. F. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO 

Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min. 1 1 

Coming Champion, 20 min.... 2 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m.l4 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell Col- 
lege, 15 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min.. 2 1 

Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. 1 1 

Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Hot Air, 25 min 2 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min.. 1 

Mischievous Nigger. 25 min.. 4 2 

IMistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. Badger's Uj)pers. 40 min. 4 2 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 

Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min . . 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 

min 1 

Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 

Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 min 2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min.. 1 

Special Sale, 15 min 2 

Stage Struck Darky. 10 min.. 2 1 

Sunny Son of Italj', 15 min.. 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress. 20 min. 1 1- 

Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 

Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 

Two Jay Detectives, 15 min.. 3 

Umbrella Mender, 15 min.... 2 
Uncle^ Bill at the Vaudeville. 

15 min 1 

Uncle Teff, 25 min 5 2 

Who Gits de Reward? 30 min. 5 1 



A erreat number of 

Standard end Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed in 

Denison's Catalogue 



T.S.DENISON&COIVIPANY,Publishers.154W.RandolphSt., Chicago 



POPULAR ENTERTi 

Price, Illustrated Paper ( 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




■.r.DENISON 

1 COMPANY 

PUBUSHERS CHICAGO 



IN this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 



DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

Very clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Dialogues for District Schools. 

For country schools. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

Over 50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Humorous Homespun Dialogues. 

For older ones. 
Little People's Plays., 

From 7 to 13 years of age. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
Merry Little Dialogues. 

Thirty-eight original selections. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Brand new, original, successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 
The Cornic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues, dialogues. 
Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 
The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 
The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pupils of all ages. 
Humorous Monologues. 

Particularly for ladies. 
Monologues for Young Folks. 

Clever, humorous, original. 
Monologues Grave and Gay. 

Dramatic and humorous. 
The Patriotic Speaker. 

Master thoughts of master minds. 




015 910 175 7 • 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 



morous, descriptive, prose, 
poetry. 14 Nos., per No. 



26c. 



DRILLS 



The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 1 1 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Invitations, decorations, games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
Good Things for Thanksgiving. 

A gem of a book. 
Good Things for Washington 

and Lincoln Birthdays. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Sway- 
ing Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches, etc. 
Laughland,via the Ha-Ha Route- 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 

Large Illustrated Catalosue Free 



T.S.DENISON&COIVIPANY,Publishers,154W. Randolph St., Chicagt 



